The IRS decides to audit an elderly man and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when the man showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said:

“Well, Sir you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time job, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” said the elderly man, “What about a demonstration?”

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, “OK, go ahead.”

The elderly man said: “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”

The auditor thought for a moment and said: “It’s a bet.”

Then the man removed his glass eye and bit it.

The auditor’s jaw dropped.

The man said: “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars, that I can bite my other eye.”

Now the auditor can tell he isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

The elderly man removes his dentures and bites his other eye. The stunned auditor realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with the man’s attorney as a witness. He got nervous.

“Want to double or not?” asked the man, “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and not get a drop anywhere between.”

The auditor burned twice, looked carefully, and decided, that it’s not possible, so he agreed again.

The old man couldn’t manage to reach the wastebasket. So the auditor was really happy. But the old man’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

“Are you OK?” the auditor asked him.

“No, not really,” he answered, “This morning when this old man told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me 25 thousand dollars that he can come in here, piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about that!”