Short Funny Stories From Real Life That Will Crack You Up
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and he couldn’t return to Earth.
The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
“A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked,
‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’
Little April isn’t always the best in school, she’d always fall asleep in class, on their first day of school for the year, they started with a religion class. Near the start of the lesson, the teacher decided to ask little April a question.
Two brothers are in their room at night formulating a plan.
“I think we’re old enough to start cussing,” the older brother says. “Tomorrow morning, I’m going to say ‘hell’ and you’re going to say ‘ass’, ok?” His younger brother agrees to the plan.
A 70-year-old woman chose to remain overnight in a costly hotel as a treat for her birthday.
The following morning, she was appalled when the desk clerk gave her a bill for $250.00. She requested to know why the charge was too high.
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room, they absolutely refused to give me an epidural…
I have a lower back tattoo, and in the delivery room, they absolutely refused to give me an epidural (or any pain meds at all).
A patient walks into an optometrist’s office.
The optometrist starts the eye exam and casually asks her if there’s any particular reason she came in for a checkup.
A blind man visits Texas. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. “Wow, this bed is big!”
“Everything is big in Texas,” says the bellhop.
A woman gynecologist decides she wants to become a mechanic. She enrolls in a technical college and becomes an A student.
Before she can graduate she must pass the final exam, which is dismantling a car engine & rebuilding correctly. When she receives the results of her exam she sees the instructor gave her 150 points. Fearing there must be some error she goes to ask her instructor.
Bush, Trump, and Hillary are all on a plane during the pandemic…
Bush says, “I could throw this $100 mask out the window and make someone happy”. Trump, with a smug look on his face replies, “I could throw ten $10 masks out the window and make 10 people happy”. Hillary smirks and says, “Oh yeah, I could throw one hundred $1 masks out the window and make 100 people happy”.
A college engineering student shows up with a new bike.
“Woah where did you get such a nice bike?” his fellow engineering student asked.
A battle between an American, a Brit, and a Filipino.
It’s a competition of who has the most number of children.
It’s the Olympics and a lot of audiences gathered in a dome.
The husband saw an action: “24-pack of beer for 20 €!”, He quickly grabbed it and dropped it into the shopping cart. The wife saw him and asked:
“What are you doing?” He replies:
The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”
No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”
A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company’s fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,’?” asked the lawyer.
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