Kim Jong Un was sitting in his office wondering whom to irritate next when his telephone rang.

“Hallo, Mr. Kim!”, a heavily accented voice said. “This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!”

A pastor’s wife was pregnant, and he asked his congregation for a pay raise… they took a vote, and decided that every time a pastor had a child, their pay would be increased…

…after the preacher’s 6th child, the congregation began to get uneasy about the pastor’s high pay rate. They met to have another vote…

Jack and Jill have been married for forty years.

And every morning jack wakes up, has a stretch and forces out the biggest fart you’ve ever heard. Every morning his wife Jill would tell him he is disgusting and tells him that one day he’s gonna push so hard his guts will fall out to which he would reply better out than in my love.

There was a porta-potty near the edge of a small cliff.

Everyday young Bobby would walk by it on the way home from school, and every day he would resist the temptation to kick it off the edge of the cliff.

Two long time friends decide it’s finally time to go on that hike through the alps they’ve always wanted to

One week into the trek, the first guy starts complaining about his feet, “they’re just so cold!” He says. His buddy tells him that when his feet are cold he just makes sure that he rubs them bare feet by the fire every night before putting his socks on and going to bed. His friend thanks him, promising he’ll give it a shot and they keep going with their hike.

A 90 years old man is at the doctor and says, “I fart a lot but fortunately, the farts are silent and don’t smell. I have farted 10 times while talking to you and you didn’t notice!”

The doctor replies, “Take these pills and come back next week.”

A worker at the Zippo factory is showing their boss how the new machine works.

Suddenly, the lights go out. Wanting to finish the demonstration quickly, they try to continue with only the emergency lighting.

Three sophisticated southern women sit together at a country club, Eliza, Josephine, and Isabelle.

Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversary. A lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.”

Alfred had finally made it to the last round of the USD 10,000,000 Question. The night before the big question, he told the M.C. that he desired a question on American History.

The big night had arrived. Alfred made his way on stage in front of the studio and TV audience. He had become the talk of the week. He was the best guest this show had ever seen. The M.C. stepped up to the mic.

A man’s wife sends him out to get some cigarettes

So he walks down to the nearby store only to find that it’s closed. He goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. While at the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers together, and then one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment.