The Gambling Champion
The IRS decides to audit an elderly man and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when the man showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said:
Funny Stories
Short Funny Stories From Real Life That Will Crack You Up
A Witty Man
One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring some fruit. As he got there, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
A New Job
I started a new job as an Amazon delivery driver today. When I got to my first address there was a note saying:
“Dear delivery man, we’re out, please hide in the garbage.”
Jokes to your email!
That Question
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: “Daddy, what is sex?” The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer.
Hard Hearing
An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. He called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked.
The doctor said he could see her in two weeks and meanwhile, there is a simple way the husband could check her hearing to give him some idea of the dimensions of the problem.
The Challenge
A restaurant has a challenge: “We will give USD 500 to any customer whose order we will not be able to fullfill”
One day, a man sees this sign and decides to take them up on it. So when gets seated, he tells the waitress that he wants an elephant testicle on rye bread.
Happy Marriage
A man and a woman had been married for more than 50 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything. They had no secrets from each other except a box that the woman kept at the top of her closet. She had cautioned her husband never to open the box or ask about it.
SUPPORT=FUNNY
The Day Before Christmas Eve
An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
Listen Carefully…
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Wedding Anniversary
A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife,
The Farmer
A farmer walks upstairs to his bedroom with a chicken under his arm and stands before his wife.
“This is the pig I’ve been fucking”
That Nurse
I recently visited my grandfather in his old folks home…
We sat down at a table in the cafeteria and started to chat. He said things were going okay but sounded a little frustrated.
A Horse For A Sale
A man once wanted to sell his horse for 1000$.
He went door to door to ask people if they would buy his horse. Only one person named George was willing to but it, but for only 500$. The man went home in despair.
An Old Lady Telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital
A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph’s Hospital
She timidly asked, “Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?” The operator said, “I can, what’s the name and room number?”
A Private Is Going To Have A Baby
A private asks his commanding officer for a few days leave.
The private explains that his wife is going to have a baby. The commanding officer is very supportive and approves the request.
SUPPORT=FUNNY
During The Lockdown
Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lockdown!
Actually, I’ve just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting worse.
