Short Funny Stories From Real Life That Will Crack You Up
The wife wanted a new car and knowing her birthday was coming up shortly, she said to her husband,
“Buy me a surprise for my birthday!” she said, “Something that accelerates from 0 to 100 in 4 seconds. I would prefer a blue one!”
A drunken man walked out of a bar and saw two priests.
“I’m Jesus Christ”, he said to one of them.
A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while.
“I can hardly believe my eyes!” he exclaimed.
At a Catholic school, a teacher during the lesson asked his students,
“Now tell me, where is Jesus?
A guy talks with his friend about his marriage,
“It’s getting bad these days, my wife spends her evenings going around the bars of the city.”
There were two beggars sitting next to each other on the street in Vatican city, one had a large cross around his neck, the other had the star of David.
It was a sunny day, there were many people walking past the two beggars. Everyone was giving money to the man with the cross around his neck money, while the man with the star of David got nothing.
An architect, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said,
There was a man who wanted a rocket to go to space. He told his wife and she said ok.
The next day he went downstairs and the TV was gone. His wife came in the room and said,
Three freshman engineering students were sitting together at lunchtime when one brought up the question of who designed the human body.
One of the students insisted that the human body must have been designed by an electrical engineer because of the perfection of the nerves and synapses. Another disagreed and proclaimed that it had to have been a mechanical engineer who designed the human body. The system of levers and pullies is ingenious.
A drunk stumbles out of the bar and phones the police to report that thieves had been in his car.
“They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator,” he cries out.
A woman returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor.
“I did everything wrong again, today,” she said.
In a school science class four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.
“May I help you?” she asked.
A group of psychiatrists was attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave and walked out together. One said to the others,
“People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems.”
A man joined a big multinational company as a trainee…
On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone,
A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance. The “disturbance” turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What’s more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy and Muhammad Ali too.
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