It was last Saturday and I was at the bar. My shitty boss made me work late Friday and then early Saturday morning. Then I was laid off at the end of the day. Needless to say I was pretty upset and i

I was in the office last week and got text message from number I don’t know. The person has the same name as one of my girlfriends friend.

Here is conversation

2139: Hey u
Me: Hey me lol who is this
2139:Wow really how fast you forgot about me it’s Caroline
Me: Oh lol I did not store your number
Me: How are you?
2139:Or did u delete it Lol it’s ok
2139: I’m good how’ve u been
Me: Good
Me: How about u

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany …her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf…

Dispatcher: What’s the nature of your emergency?

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart

Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!