Short Funny Stories From Real Life That Will Crack You Up
One day her three daughters run-up to her mom and one of them yells “mom!!! Why am I named rose?” “Well, sweetie, when you were born a rose petal fell on your head” The second daughter. “Mommy!!!!!!!!! Why am I named violet?” “Because when you were born a violet somehow fell on your head” The third child. “Djfiiiggf fiichd ajjguie fuuhsb?” “Oh shut up brick”
A Christian guy named Bill saw ana d online for a Christian Horse, so he went to check it out. The horse’s owner said, “It’s easy to ride him. Just say ‘Praise the Lord!’ to make him go and ‘Amen!’ to make him stop.”
A man enters an animal shop and sees a parrot with ropes tied to each of its legs…
The man asks the shopkeeper about the parrot and the shopkeeper replies:
A mother brings her son two new ties as a birthday gift for her adult son. Later, in the evening the two meet for dinner and the son is wearing one of the ties. His mother takes one look at him and says, “You didn’t like the other tie?”
An elderly lady walks into an ice cream parlor.
She says to the man behind the counter, “what flavors of ice cream do you have?”
Four people are in a train compartment in France
There’s an attractive young woman, a plain older woman, a French man and an English man.
A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party, he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two crocodiles in it.
A man walks into a pet shop and sees a parrot for only $50.
Standing next to the cage the man asks, “I wonder why he is so cheap?” “Because I am defective,” came the reply. “I’ve got no legs.” A little surprised the man asked, “Well how do you stay on your perch?” The parrot draws him closer and whispers, “I have a big penis. I just wrap it around the bar and stay put…
An Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bakery.
The Englishman steals 3 buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman, "That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn't even see me."
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.
So while the other terrorists were wrapping him with all kinds of bombs they looked him in the eye and told him: you're going on a suicide mission so don't fail us. The terrorist replied: I'm prepared to die!! And so they sent him to the city and he goes to a school and he calls the base: should I do it here!! And they replied: no it's not crowded enough, go somewhere else. And so he goes to a mall and again contacts the base: should I do it here!! And they replied: no it's no crowded enough either go somewhere else. And so he goes to a stadium on a matchday and he contacts the base again and says: should I do it here!!! And they replied: yes!!! It's crowded enough!!! do it!!! He pulls out a dagger and stabs himself
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
A cranky woman decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you. Don't bother coming after me.” because her husband was coming home late again,
Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction.
Me: “Yes.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That is your Control Panel.”
Me: “Wow, I didn’t realize it had a name.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “Yes sir, now press on Internet Options.”
Me: “Yeah, I definitely don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I purchased that feature. This is just a cheap one.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “They all have the Internet sir. Press the Start button again.”
Me: “OK, it’s the same as before.”
NOT-Microsoft support: “That’s OK sir. We are going to restart your device. Can you please turn it off?”
Me: “Ummm…I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. Since I bought it, it just kind of stays on all the time.”…
Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally spoke, “Honey…
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