I Stepped On A Duck
Jack emigrates to a strange new country in search of a job.
When he arrives at the terminal, the customs officer gives him one piece of strange advice before he enters the country.
Funny Stories
Short Funny Stories From Real Life That Will Crack You Up
What They Wanted To Be
The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.
When it came to Johnny he said, “I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I’ll get me a bitch, and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have sex with her 3 times a day.”
A Wonder Vacuum Cleaner
Once a man knocked on a door and an old lady opened the door.
Without a word, the man went in took a lot of cow dung from his bag, and threw on the carpet.
100 Penguins…
A truck driver was transporting 100 penguins from Melbourne to Perth when he breaks down in the middle of the desert…
A mechanic takes a look and tells the truckie that the repair will take at least two days. He knows that the penguins won’t survive in the heat for that long so he flags down a passing truck and offers the driver $5000 to take the penguins to the Perth zoo for him.
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A Young Boy Living On a Farm…
A young boy living on a farm came down to eat breakfast.
His mother told him he had to do his chores before he could eat. He got mad but went out to do his chores when a chicken ran across in front of him so being still mad he kicked it. Momma was watching.
Newly wed girl
A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband’s home in a traditional manner.
She was asked to give a little speech she spoke as follows:
The Old Man
The old man was riding his Lambordgini at a speed of 100 miles/hour. Suddenly, he saw that he was being harassed by the police. Old man starts speeding up 140 then 150 then 180.
Suddenly slows down and thinks, ′′ I’m too old for this “.
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At a Restaurant
A man and his wife are at a restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her gin at a nearby table.
His wife asks, “Do you know her?”
Good Old Grandpa
“You kids today,” says a college student’s grandpa. “All you do is stay in the house all day and play video games. When I was your age, my buddies and I went to Paris and went to the Moulin Rouge. We fucked some of the dancers right on stage, went behind the bar, robbed the register, and stayed there drinking all night!”
A Hunting Joke
A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural North Alberta. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.” …
The Fastest Dad
3 Kids are arguing about who’s dad is the fastest…
At lunch, the first boy says his dad is the faster because he is a bricklayer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits…
Professional Poker Player
I quit my career as a professional poker player, and I decided to open a grocery store.
For the first couple of weeks, I didn’t earn much money.
The Logic Professor
One day Bill is on a walk when he sees his new neighbor, John.
He greets him and they start getting to know each other.
The Secret of Long Life
A young man met a cowboy who was 104, still active and in good health. He asked the old-timer what the secret was to his longevity.
The old man said, “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal every morning see. If you do, you’ll live to a nice, ripe old age.”
Father To Be
Four husbands are outside a maternity ward, waiting for the nurse to tell them about the babies their wives gave birth to.
The nurse walks up to the first man and says: “Congratulations your wife gave birth to twins!” The man says: “What a coincidence because I work at a restaurant called 2 cities.”
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They Went for a Swim
An orthodox priest, a catholic priest, and a rabbi go for a swim.
It was a hot day and the three desperately needed to cool off. They went to the lake just outside the village, made sure no one else was around and decided to skinny dip.
