Short Funny Stories From Real Life That Will Crack You Up
A burglar breaks into a home and holds the husband and wife hostage. At gunpoint, he forces the two to sit on chairs facing away from each other and ties them to the chairs. The burglar slowly and methodically begins stealing from the house.
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
“Let’s bet she has COVID,” my wife said.
Two friends are talking.
First says, “My parents raised me as an only child”
Today, my daughter asked “Can I have a bookmark?” and I burst into tears.
12 years old and she still doesn’t know my name is Dave.
They asked him, “Why your relationship with your wife is always peaceful and no fight ever?”
He replied, “That is because we agreed since the beginning that she takes decisions in small issues leaving me the big ones. For example, she takes decisions in what house or car to buy, what school we choose for our kids, what destinations to travel to, the suitable husbands for our daughters…
Yesterday my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick.
She still isn’t talking to me.
A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.”
The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.”
Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where they gave him a series of tests to determine the source of the pain.
A boy was sitting with his grandfather in a hospital and he asked,
“Grandpa, why don’t you have a life insurance?”
A boy was sitting with his grandfather in a hospital and he asked,
“Grandpa, why don’t you have a life insurance?”
A couple was sitting in a garden. The boy turned to the girl and said,
“Would you like to be the sun in my life?”
A patient goes for an appointment with his cardiologist.
Doctor, “I hear you, what’s wrong with you?”
During the biology lesson, the teacher asks, “Tell me, children, what does the chicken give you?”
A student rose his hand and said, “It gives us meat!”
This man was sitting next to a little boy on the plane. Suddenly he turned to the boy and said,
“I’ve heard that flights are going quicker if you talk with a passenger.”
A man goes to the secret police and says, “My talking parrot disappeared.”
“Why did you come here? Go to the regular police.”
Doctor: “This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression”.
Patient: “Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?”
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