Classic Jokes

Best Classic Jokes on the internet. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes.

In The Beginning

In the beginning
God said, “Adam, I want you to do something for Me.”
Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?”

An Old Man

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong. He told me,

“I have a 22 years old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit, and freshly ground coffee.”

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Question And Answer

What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?

The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work – the philosopher can do without the trash bin.

Coronavirus

Boss is yelling at his worker, “You called in sick yesterday and said you had the Coronavirus. You can’t be here until you get negative test results.”

The worker, “I said I had a case of Corona and I wasn’t coming to work. I’ve never said anything about a virus.”

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I Want To Die Peacefully

Two friends are talking. One of them says.

“I want to die peacefully in my sleep as my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.”

Applying For A Job

Tom is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box.

The inspector decides to give Tom a pop quiz, asking:

The Psychic Hotline

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him,

“You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”

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The True Love

He told her, “I’m not so rich, and I have no fancy cars, and I don’t own a company, and I don’t have a big house like my friend Benjamin, but I truly love you.

She was touched, she hugged him very tight and started crying. Then she whispered to him, “If you really love me, please, introduce me to your friend John.”