Observing the baby one night the wife found her husband standing over their baby’s crib.

Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping baby, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions – disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband.

There were four brothers, Somebody, Nobody, Brain, and Mad.

One day Somebody got angry and killed Nobody, then Brain crying went to the toilet. Mad phoned the police and said, “Somebody killed Nobody”.

Two hunters are walking through a forest looking for a deer. When all of a sudden, a giant bear jumps out and scares the shit out of them. They drop their guns and run like hell.

One of the hunters stopped opened up his backpack and laced up a pair of running shoes. His buddy looked at him and said,

A hunter, went on a camping trip with his wife, kids, and mother-in-law.

One evening, while still deep in the forest, his wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of a drink, and started to look for her.

Two lawyers had been life long friends. They were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary.

One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses thereafter.

A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit. Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst. So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of cigars as a bribe. The partner was horrified.

A farmer decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court.

In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning the farmer, “Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, ‘I’m fine,'” asked the lawyer.

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him 2.00 dollars. That continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to 1.50 dollars.

“Well,” the beggar thinks, “it’s still better than nothing.”

After spending some time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. He told God how much Eve means to him and how blessed he feels to have her and began to ask questions.

Adam, “Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?”

Saturday morning I got up early dressed quietly,… made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck,… and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain and the wind was blowing. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,

A gentleman had too much alcohol at a party. He was heading home and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line and he couldn’t drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters.

An old man bursts into a priest’s study and says,

“I’ve got to tell you this. I’m 50 years old and for the thirty years I’ve been married I never cheated on my wife. Then this sweet thing moved in next door and since then…..wow!”