Best Classic Jokes on the internet. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes.
An Italian walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. He tells the loan officer that he is going to Italy on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.
The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Italian hands over the keys to a new Ferrari….
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, “I want to write stuff that the whole…
Kris was getting annoyed and shouted upstairs to his wife,” Hurry up or we’ll be late.”
“Oh, be quiet,” replied his wife. “Haven’t I been telling you for the last hour that I’ll be ready in a minute?”
Tom was invited to his friend’s house for dinner. He found that his buddy called his wife every cute name in the book: honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, and baby. When she was in the kitchen…
What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobia!
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ‘ho ho ho’!
Why did Santa’s helper see the doctor?
Because he had a low “elf” esteem!
What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
…
Three leaders of the big beer companies meet for a drink. The president of Budweiser orders a Bud, president of Millers orders a Millers, and the president of Coors orders a Coors. ..
Two man playing golf were held up by two women playing in front of them. One man said: “I’ll walk up to them and tell them to hurry up.” When he returned he said: “I have a problem…
Bill and Bob, two children, were sitting outside a clinic. Bill happened to be crying very loudly.
“Why are you crying?” Bob asked.
“I came here for a blood test,” sobbed Bill.
“So? Are you afraid?”
Two astronauts were in a space ship circling high above the earth. One had to go on a space walk while the other stayed inside. When the space walker tried to get back inside the space ship, he discovered that the cabin door was locked, so he knocked….
Q: What is the difference between a man who is buying a lottery ticket and a man who is arguing with his girlfriend?
A: The lottery ticket buyer has a chance to win!!
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, “Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?”
She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, “No, I won’t sleep with you tonight!” Everyone …
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