Death Statistics
A man was riding on the bus and reading an article about life and death statistics. Fascinated he turns to the fellow sitting next to him and says,
“Did you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?”
Classic Jokes
Best Classic Jokes on the internet. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes.
The Hungry Man
A man is driving home and sees another man on the sidewalk eating grass. He stops and asks,
“Hey! Why are you eating grass?”
A Dark Two Line Joke
I had a granny that we couldn’t decide whether to bury or cremate
In the end, we decided to just let her live.
Jokes to your email!
I Tried Too Hard
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.
She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
Just A Funny Two Line Joke
This morning I accidentally made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water.
I was already halfway to my office when I noticed I forgot my car at home.
Breaking News
Yesterday a Python data scientist get arrested at customs.
She was caught trying to import pandas!
Arguing With A Woman
Arguing with a woman is like reading a software license agreement.
In the end, you ignore everything and click “I agree”.
Joke About Programming Languages
Question: Why are modern programming languages so materialistic?
Answer: Because they are object-oriented.
SUPPORT=FUNNY
The Dark Humor
“Mom, what’s dark humor?”
“Do you see that guy over there without arms? Ask him to clap his hand”
A Guy Goes To A Psychiatrist
The psychiatrist draws a circle and shows it to him.
“What’s this?” asks the psychiatrist.
Two Line Joke About Functional Programming
Q: Why did the functional programmer get thrown out of school?
A: Because he refused to take classes.
A Young Woman And The Fortuneteller
A young woman goes to a fortuneteller. The fortuneteller tells her that she will be broke and unhappy until she turns forty.
“What happens when I turn forty?” the young woman asks, staring down at the cards.
Two Liner Joke About Functional Programming
Why did the functional programmer get thrown out of school?
Because he refused to take classes.
A Two Liner
“Hey honey, am I the only one you’ve been with?
The wife replied, “Yes, the others were at least fives or nines.”
Funny Two Liner Joke About A Programmer
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep.
A full one, in case he gets thirsty, and an empty one, in case he doesn’t.
Funny Two Liner Joke
My granddad used to say, “As one door closes another one opens.”
Lovely man. Terrible cabinet maker.
