Best Classic Jokes on the internet. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes.
A king had 10 wild ferocious dogs. He used them to torture and kill any minister that misguided him. A minister once gave an opinion that was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all. So he ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs.
A man was standing before the judge, being questioned over how did he managed
to run over 10 people while driving his truck, so the man answered:
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.
The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”.
There once was a farmer whose five quintuplet teenage daughters were going on dates at the same time.
“As soon as your dates arrive,” said the farmer, “I will talk to them personally. If I don’t like them, I will shoot them.”
A butcher is at work, chopping up some meat when he hears the door open.
He walks to the door and sees a golden retriever with a note in its mouth. The butcher, amused, grabs the note and reads it. The note says, “I’ll take a dozen sausage links. Keep the change.” The butcher scoffs and is about to throw the note away until he takes another…
A young lady, destitute and rejected by her lover, heads to the Manhattan docks to drown herself.
But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
Once, in the forest, a sapling grew between two trees…
One tree was a birch tree, and proudly said, “That sapling is a son of a birch!”
A woman rings at the neighbor’s door. A man opens the door.
Woman: “Hey, I just moved in, and I am just applying wallpaper in the kitchen. I just saw yesterday that you freshly papered you kitchen as well, and I thought you may be able to help me out. How many stacks of paper did you buy to do the job?”
My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, “Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone’s got a voodoo doll of you and they’re stabbing it?”
Sounding concerned I replied “No…”
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a Golf club.
There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club.
A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.
The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”
A woman woke up in the middle of the night and found that her husband wasn’t there beside her.
She went downstairs and found him sitting in the kitchen, drinking coffee and looking thoughtful.
A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
A man has a bear perched on the roof of his house. He has tried everything to get the bear off the house but nothing works. So finally he gives up and calls the bear exterminator.
The bear exterminator shows up in an old pickup with a huge cage in the back. After he surveys the situation he begins to unpack his truck. He takes out a wooden baseball bat, a shotgun, and a manegy old mean dog.
A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He’s moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, “Jesus is watching you.”
The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, “Jesus is watching you.”
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