Some people are flying on a plane and the captain makes an announcement

“We are going to, unfortunately, run out of fuel in a little bit. We need some volunteers to jump off the plane so we can maybe hope to make it to an airport.”

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three adult sons…

Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto the pasture, she saw that the family’s only cow was lying dead in the field.

A man and a Dog, and the extremely unusual funeral…

A man and his wife are walking down the town main street. They are arguing, as they always do, about the efficiency of wearing masks during the pandemic.

A Frenchman, a German and an English man are standing before the gates of heaven.

God greets them and says: “You were all great and kind people. As a reward for being a good human, you may all swim in my magic pool” “The water will turn in anything you say”

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, ‘I cannot accept money from you, I’m doing community service this week.’ The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a ‘thank you’ card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Before leaving for a battle, King Arthur puts a strong iron chastity belt on his wife Guinevere and entrusts the key to his most loyal knight, Eddie. Then King Arthur departs.

Five minutes into his journey, King Arthur hears Eddie screaming for him to stop. King Arthur signals his steed to halt and waits for Eddie to catch up.

There once lived three brothers with unusual names. Their names were Shut Up, Poop and Manners.

One day they were having a car ride when poop fell out of the car and got run over by the car. Shut Up immediately went to call a paramedic for help while Manners tried to get Poop up off the road.

Two Aliens come to our Planet

They are greeted by armed forces. They inform us that our inferior weapons don’t stand a chance against them. The only way they will let us go is if we can make them laugh. However, they have seen all jokes there are on the internet and only a new original joke will work on them. Humanity gathers the greatest comedians and scientists to come up with an original joke but everyone’s opinion on what is a good joke turns out to be at conflict. Furious, one scientist proclaims that we have to know which of our earlier jokes the Aliens at least found funny. All the comedians and scientists agree on this. So a scientist goes to talk with the Aliens and ask them which of our old jokes they laughed at the most. The Aliens respond.

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old football players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?

The little boy nodded in the affirmative.

The only cow in a small town in the USA stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from BC Canada for 1,000 dollars, or one from Alberta Canada for 800 dollars. Being poor, they bought the cow from Alberta. The cow was wonderful.

A journalist decides he wants to write a book about shepherds. So, he decides to travel the world to interview different shepherds.

His first stop is somewhere in the plains of Asia and he finds a lonely sheepherder, tending his flock.

I’ve given up social media for the New Year and am trying to make friends outside Facebook while applying the same principles.

Every day, I walk down the street and tell passersby what I’ve eaten, how I feel, what I did the night before, and what I will do tomorrow.