Bill and Bob both really love baseball.
The two guys made a deal that whoever died first would have to come down from above and tell the other guy if there was baseball in heaven.

When Bill died, he came down to tell Bob.

Otis, Henry, and Tom were sitting in a bar discussing their wives. Henry started by saying,

“I think my wife is fooling around on me. I went home the other day and found a hammer and a saw under our bed. I think she is cheatin’ on me with a carpenter!” Tom answered,

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there’s a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position.

Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method of getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of the room, he instead will be trapped inside forever.

Two Priests decided to go to Goa on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests……

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

An 18 years old girl tells her mom that she has missed her last 2 periods.

Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy test. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Crying, cursing and Shouting the mother says, “Who was the bastard that did this to you? I want to know!”

The devil is rather bored. It’s been a while since he’s been up to some mischief…

So he picks a small countryside church to terrorize. He rolls in through the open door on a cloud of brimstone and dark lightning. The entire congregation scatters, save for the Pastor and an elderly farmer sitting in one corner chewing on a piece of straw. He is piqued and wanders over to the farmer.

A man takes a pleasant stroll on a Friday evening… suddenly, the Devil himself pops up in front of him

and whispers zombifyingly, “Take all the money in your purse, go to this casino, and put them on the number 27!”

A very religious man went on a safari

When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn’t have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed “Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some Christian feelings”.

A horse and a pig are best friends.

One day the horse got so sick that he couldn’t stand up anymore. The farmer called the vet who said: “If this horse doesn’t stand up in three days, you may put him down”.

The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. ‘Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant.

This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.’

Some people are flying on a plane and the captain makes an announcement

“We are going to, unfortunately, run out of fuel in a little bit. We need some volunteers to jump off the plane so we can maybe hope to make it to an airport.”