Three construction workers are sitting on a scaffolding eating lunch.
An electrician, a bricklayer, and a welder are sitting on a high-rise scaffolding on their lunch break. They all open their lunches to find baloney sandwiches. The electrician sighs and says:

A husband and a wife are celebrating their 50 year anniversary by having some dinner. After being together for so long they don’t have many secrets but the husband always wanted to know.

“Hey honey, have you ever cheated on me? We’ve been together so long it doesn’t even matter, but I’d like to know,” he says.

A priest is playing darts. Every time he misses he yells out: “Jesus Fucking Christ I’m pissed, my shot just missed!”.

A bishop sees him and warns him about using the lord’s name in vain. “If you use that language again, I shall ask the Lord to punish you,” he says.

2 middle-aged women go out on the town for a girls night out

At the end of the night, they both have been drinking so much that they decide to walk home. Halfway home, they both have to piss pretty badly. Nothing is open at 3 AM, so they duck into a graveyard they’re passing by to squat behind a couple of tombstones. They both realize that they have nothing to wipe with, so one takes off her panties and uses them…

Fred mistakenly gets on a bus full of war veterans, but upon discovering it is going his way, decides to stay on for the ride…

He sits down next to a guy that jerks his head to the left every few seconds, over and over. This really starts to get on Fred’s nerves so he asks him, “What the hell is wrong with you?”

There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result, become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to actively seek employment, so she mostly just stayed at home…

Two men are adrift in a lifeboat for days. While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, one of the men stumbles across an old lamp. When he touches it, a genie comes forth. This particular genie, however, states that she can deliver only one wish, not the standard three.

The medics rushed Mr. Steinberg to the hospital in the middle of the night, apparently due to a massive heart attack.

The doctors work on him all night and morning and finally discharge him to the Intensive Care Unit, where therapy continues.

A marine general, an army general, and a navy admiral were discussing who had the toughest men…

The army general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get over here!”

A guy was admitted to the hospital and he fell in love with the nurse.
She used to take care of him and very nice to him. Always checking up on him and giving him extra attention compared to other patients. Therefore, the guy thought that the nurse was into him as well.