Classic Jokes

Best Classic Jokes on the internet. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes.

Women Mind

Tell a woman she’s beautiful for hundred times and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she is fat once and she’ll remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

An Interview

Interviewer: “Forget everything you learned in college. You will not need it working here.”

Me: “But I never went to college.”

Loving Son

An old man lived alone in his village. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was a very difficult job, as the ground was hard. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

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…Want To Understand Women

Jack is in his car driving on the highway by the ocean in California…

…when he stops and asks God for just 1 wish for being a super faithful and good human being. God instantly appears and tells Jack that he has earned the right for one wish.

Sobriety Tests

A man was pulled over by a police officer…

As the officer approached the vehicle he noticed a large number of knives in the back seat.

The Mathematician

One day a mathematician came back home at 3 A.M. and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.

“You are late!” she yells. You said you’d be home by 11:45 P.M.!”

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Birthday Gift

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.

“I’d like to be 8 again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.

The Lesson

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed.

“Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.”

Old Couple

An old man and his wife went to their local restaurant. The man placed an order for one hamburger, French fries and a drink. He unwrapped the hamburger and cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

Three Closest Friends

A dying man wants to prevent his family from inheriting his wealth. So he entrusts the money to his three closest friends: a doctor, a priest, and a lawyer.

He gives each friend an envelope with USD 1,000,000 in cash and makes them all swear to bury the money with him when he dies. They all shake hands and solemnly agree.

Whom Will You Save?

A 55 years old lady suddenly started learning to swim instead of her usual routine of going to a temple !!!!

Everyone was curious and asked her: “why do you change your interests nowadays?”

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A Job Opening

A guy goes into the US Postal Services to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?” He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

At The Pearly Gates

3 nuns die and go to Heaven.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that they must each answer a biblical question to get in, but he reassures them that they’re quite easy.