There was a woman named Betty Lou, whose life had recently fallen into a downward spiral of horrible luck. She had been laid off after working for the same company for several years. She began binge eating to cope, and as a result, become terribly overweight. This made it more difficult for her to actively seek employment, so she mostly just stayed at home. Even her husband ended up leaving her, unable to deal with the changes. Betty Lou was ready to give up, but she decided to try speaking with a professional to help her get her life back on track. She decided that she should see a doctor first to address the weight issues.

She mopes into the local doctor’s office and says “Doctor, I’m fat. I’m depressed. My husband left me. I have no job. Please, I’ll do anything to be like I was before.”

The doctor says “Alright Ms.Lou, I’m going to put you on an experimental diet. That should help get your weight under control. After that, we can address your other issues. Now… This may sound odd, but from now on, you’ll do all of your eating by inserting your food.. rectally.”

“RECTALLY?” Betty Lou repeats. She is stunned, but eventually, she nods and agrees. The doctor tells her to return after one month. Betty Lou leaves the office and follows the doctor’s orders exactly.

One month later, a much thinner Betty Lou strides through the doors of the doctor’s office. The receptionist almost didn’t recognize her. But as Betty approached the front desk, the receptionist noticed something else different. Betty Lou had not stopped wagging her hips since she walked in. She was doing a sort of bounce-step when she walked, and when she stood still, she rested a hand on her side and shook her hips widely, but in perfect tempo.

The receptionist sends Betty Lou back, and when she sees the doctor she blurts out “Look, Doc, look! I’m thin again, I got a job as a model-making more than I was at my other job, and I even got a new boyfriend who is much younger than my ex-husband! I’m doing much better all because I’m taking my food rectally!”, all the while continuing to bounce her hips.

The doctor replies “That’s wonderful, Ms.Lou! I can see that it has had results. But.. uh.. Ms.Lou, you seem to have developed a minor tick.. You haven’t been taking any drugs, have you?”

Betty Lou chuckled. “No Doc, of course not! I’m just chewing a piece of gum!”