This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why do we need two central newspapers, Pravda (Truth) and Izvestiya (News) if both are organs of the same Party?”
We’re answering: “Because in Pravda there is no news, and in Izvestiya there is no truth.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is it that starts with an R and never ends?”
We’re answering: “Reorganization.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to build socialism in one stand-alone country?”
We’re answering: “It’s possible, but better to live in another country.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to solve a problem which has no solution?”
We’re answering: “We don’t answer questions related to agriculture.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is permitted and what is prohibited?”
We’re answering: “In England, what is permitted, is permitted, and what is prohibited, is prohibited.
In America everything is permitted except for what is prohibited.
In Germany everything is prohibited except for what is permitted.
In France everything is permitted, even what is prohibited.
In the USSR everything is prohibited, even what is permitted.

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is a one word joke?”
We’re answering: “Communism”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is the longest joke?”
We’re answering: “The speech made by Khrushchev at the Party congress.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why Solzhenitsyn, Brodsky, Bukovsky, and other dissidents have been exiled from the country?”
We’re answering: “Don’t you know that the best products are always selected for export?”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is there life on other planets?”
We’re answering: “On other planets there is also no life.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What methods do our enemies use in their subversive work against the socialist state?”
We’re answering: “Such questions we discuss in our program ‘Useful Advice.'”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Are there questions you can’t answer?”
We’re answering: “No. We approach our job in accordance with the Marx’ dialectics. To any question we can give any answer.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why did butter disappear from the stores’ shelves?”
We’re answering: “It all has melted under the sun of the Soviet Constitution.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it true that Akopian had won last Sunday hundred thousand rubles in the state lottery?”
We’re answering: “Yes, it is true. Only it was not last Sunday but Monday. And it was not Akopian but Vagramian. And not in the state lottery but in checkers. And not hundred thousand but one hundred rubles. And not won but lost.”