This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is a Soviet musical duet?”
We’re answering: “It’s a musical quartet after a trip abroad.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “How to find out the precise time of the day?”
We’re answering: “A few seconds before noon, you’ll hear a low-pitched tone followed by a high-pitched tone.” At that moment the time will be noon, or at the most and a quarter.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why is our government not in a hurry to land our men on the moon?”
We’re answering: “What if they refuse to return?”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Was it possible to criticize Hitler?”
We’re answering: “Sure.” The same way as you criticized Stalin. You had to lock yourself in your bedroom, hide under two, or better three covers, place a pillow, or better two pillows on top of the blankets over your head, and then whisper whatever your soul wishes about the dictator, strictly adhering to a five-minute limit.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Which tea is better, Chinese or Soviet-grown?”
We’re answering: “Don’t mix up in the confrontation between the superpowers. Drink coffee.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “When Nixon visited Moscow, he and Khrushchev ran around the Kremlin in a race. Nixon came the first. How should our media report on that?”
We’re answering: “The report should be as follows: ‘In the international running competition the General Secretary of the Communist Party took the honorable second place.’ Mister Nixon came in one before last.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Will there be the third world war?”
We’re answering: “No, but the struggle for peace will reach such degree that there will be no stone left intact on the earth.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why policemen always walk the streets in teams of three?”
We’re answering: “The partners in the police team are always chosen in such a way that one of them knows how to read, the other how to write, and the third one, naturally, has to keep watch over those two intellectuals.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it true that there are two kinds of people serving as deputies of the Supreme Soviet of the USSR, as members of the Supreme Court, and as Soviet diplomats?”
We’re answering: “Yes, it is a true. One kind is those not capable of anything at all, and the other, those capable of anything whatsoever.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What if socialism were built in Greenland?”
We’re answering: “First snow would become available only through ration cards, and later snow would be distributed only to the KGB officers and their families.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is communism?”
We’re answering: “It’s when everything will be available in stores. In other words, like it was under the Tsar Nicholas the Second.”

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR?” Both guarantee freedom of speech.”
We’re answering: “Yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.”