Did you hear the one about the dessert that kept trying to jump off the table? It was a lemming meringue pie!

What goes tick tick woof woof? A watchdog.
What do you call a sheep without any legs? A cloud!
What do you call a Skoda on the top of a hill? A miracle!
What do you call a Skoda with two exhausts? A wheelbarrow!
How do you double the value of a Skoda? Fill it with petrol!
What’s the difference between a Skoda and a golf ball? You can drive the golf ball 50 yards.
Why did the one eyed chicken cross the road? To get to the birds eye factory.
Why do so many foods come in plastic packages? It’s quite uncanny…
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What goes arrrgh black white black white black white black white black white splat? A nun falling down the stairs.
Did you hear the one about the fat friar? He was a chipmonk.
Did you hear about the monastry that cost a shilling to get in? It was a Bob Monkhouse
What did the duck say when he bought a newspaper? Stick it on my bill.
There were two nuns driving home in a car. Suddenly a vampire jumped infront of the car! “Quick! Show him your cross!” said the first nun. “Sod off Dracula” she said.
Where do apes cook their toast? Under the gorilla.
What’s black and white and red all over? A sunburnt penguin!
Why did the bubblegum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Did you hear the joke about the eggs? Too bad.
People who like mushrooms are really fun guys! (fungi’s! bo-boom!)
What’s orange and like a parrot? A carrot!
A man wanted a job at a building site,so he went to see the foreman. “I’m a handy man,and I want a job.” he said “Well… Can you do any bricklaying?” asked the foreman. “No.” “Can you do some carpentry?” “No,not really.” “What about tiling?” “I’ve never done it in my life!” “Can’t you do anything?” said the foreman. “What makes you a handy man,then?” “I just live ’round the corner!”
Knock knock Who’s there? The interrupting cow. The interr-Moooooooo!