Best Bar Jokes on the internet. An ever-growing collection of extremely funny jokes.
A man walks into a bar. Everything in this bar is golden. After drinking so hard he stumbles into what he thinks is the toilet and there’s even a golden urinal.
The man goes home and tells his wife about this place and she isn’t convinced. So in the morning she phones the bar and says,
One day a drunk man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a shot of rum and a beer. Then he asks for another. The bartender asks,
“Have you got money?”
“No,” tells the drunk man, “but I’m hurting so bad that I’ll do anything for another round…”
A drunk man walks into a bar. He seats on a stool and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender politely refuses the man and suggests getting a cab for him. The drunk is surprised. He climbs down of the barstool and staggers out of the bar.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After some time he wanted to go to the toilet. He doesn’t want someone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it,
“I spat in this beer, do not drink!”
Jesus walks into a bar and says, “Can I have a glass of water?” Then he turns it into wine.
The bartender says “Jee what are you doing?”
A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of whiskey, drinks it, and then looks into his pocket. He does this for several times.
Finally, the bartender asked,
Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said,
“You know, 80 percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love.”
A drunk man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seating in the bar, walked to her and kissed her.
She jumped up and slapped him. He immediately apologized and explained,
In the morning a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens.
“It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour, later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker.
A man was sitting in a bar and kept whistling. The bartender asks him,
“Why do not you stop whistling?”
Two Irishmen were sitting in a bar and having beer. They were watching the brothel across the street and saw that a baptist minister walks into the brothel, one of them said,
“Ah, this is a shame to see a man of the cloth going bad.”
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them.
When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign.
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender,
“Drinks for all on me including you, bartender.”
John was talking to his friend at the bar, and said,
“I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday – she has everything, and besides,… she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stuck.”
A construction worker walks into a bar. He’s a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows,
“All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!” A sudden silence descends. After a moment he asks “Anyone got a problem with that?” The silence lengthens. He then chugs back another beer and growls, “And all you guys on the other side of the bar are all scum!” Once again, the bar is silent. He looks around belligerently and roars, “Anyone got a problem with that?”
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